1st attempt at original design - 2010 Perfectos

Prototype for a set or subset depicting perfect games.  I really need a much more robust graphics program than an old version of Paint Shop.  I think the idea is sound.  The execution came out OK, but not spectacular.

These are the kinds of inserts I'd like to see once in a while instead of the same old concepts repeated year to year...

(c. August 2010)

2016 Bowman Chrome Draft Picks & Prospects Special Edition Super Chromatographic Pack Rip Party Short Print #226 /5

This is my satirical take on future Bowman.  I'm not bashing the prospectors and those who love the set every year, but I'm just not into it myself.  Maybe I'm just too old.
To me, Bowman has become such a confusing product that I won't even look at someone's want lists unless they have the full numbers and player's names listed.  All the BCPs and BDPPs would be OK if the fronts looked different too, but they don't.
Anyway, enough ranting.  The fictional player above was created with cards from Evan Longoria, Justin Upton and Stephen Englund.  (July 2010)

Tribute to 1976 Topps Father & Son

Update: An observant commenter noted that the original picture of Justin was actually Scot Shields.  That's what I get for snagging pictures from another site.  Now I have four versions of this card.  With different cropping, this one could have looked like Justin was climbing out of the frame the way his leg is kicked up.

Another relatively simple cut & paste job.  I'm sure I'll get comments for not using the five word Angels team name, but screw that.
I've been contemplating a couple original insert sets, but haven't found all the graphical elements yet.  Stay Tuned.  (July 2010)

Tribute to 1968 Topps - Priest Holmes

  

My favorite football design picturing my favorite player.  (July 2010) 

Tribute to 1974 Topps - Priest Holmes

A classic but simple design.  Was able to patch the lettering together.  It makes things much easier if you use perfectly straight pictures to customize.  (July 2010)

Tribute to 1965 Topps - Brian Matusz

Toughest part about this one is the lettering.  I couldn't find enough even gray backgrounded names to cut and paste the name.  So I compromised and used Arial Black and just typed it out.  Photo fits nice though. (June 2010)

Tribute to 1971 Topps - Livan Hernandez (x2)

'71 Topps is my all-time favorite design, so you may see more of this tribute set from me later.  Promise I'll start using other players too.  Once you get the white frame isolated and the lettering culled from actual card photos, these are a snap.  (June 2010)

2009 Goose Joak Livan Hernandez

(c) 2009 Goose Joak

 The front is from the 2009 line of Goose Joak originals, designed here.  I designed the back by culling together pieces from the Fox Sports and Yahoo! Sports player listings sites.  The Career Trends charts work better for players with a few years under their belts.  (June 2009)

Hiatus

This entry actually posted in July 2010.  Posts prior to this were miscellaneous topics not necessarily related to cards.  I stopped in 2005.

Haven't figured a way to archive them and not have them show up right under the new stuff, so I'll space 'em out....



































GCA

Redskins Score At Will, Then End Up With Nil

Oct. 23 Washington, DC - Attended my first game at FedEx Field (thanx MS & MH!). We arrived at the stadium minutes before the parking lot gates opened. Then we set up at MH's usual spot and tailgated until game time. Dined on wings, sausages, snacks and sodas (The others had beer). Our seats were in section 416 in the end zone looking up the San Francisco sideline. The view was fantastic. Couldn't have asked for a better day, either. A far contrast to the rain and misery of the preceding few days. And what a glorious day it turned out to be! Brunell took 'em up and down the field all day, while Arrington brought the crowd to frenzy every time he joined the defense. Rookie 'Niner QB Alex Smith was welcomed to the league with a couple ball-jarring hits. Final score 52-17. And it wasn't even that close.

Oct 30 Meadowlands, NJ - Uh oh, I think they used up all the scoring last week. Glad it was a road game at least. New York's defense was only one spot above the 49'ers in the rankings up to this week. The Giants, however, were inspired by the death of their owner, Wellington Mara, who was beloved by the team and had done so much for the whole league. Redskins couldn't do anything right. Final score 36-0. Ouch. Hard to believe, but I think Philly may be an easier game.

At least my fantasy team has won two in a row....

Cognitive Byproducts ~ Part Seven

A continuing series of random thoughts, questions, and musings accumulated over time.

• Why do they put the laundry instructions for shirts on a seperate tag along the bottom seam? I have several shirts that have a tag for the brand name inside the collar and another along side it for the size, but they put the washing directions on a totally different one that you have to go searching for. I understand that maybe the company makes all their brand and size tags at once, and the fabrics they use may vary, but mount the thing up there with the rest of them willya?
• OK, gas has come down more than a dollar since it hit a high of around $3.50 a gallon several weeks ago. (See previous article for reasons gas prices rise). They haven't really fixed all the damage from those hurricanes already, have they? Now I'm even more annoyed because this proves that the ridiculous prices were basically caused by the speculation of petroleum futures traders and not supply and demand. Which translates into "Greedy suits - who contribute nothing in the way of products or services - are trashing the economy for the rest of us by driving up prices." Don't even get me started again....
• I recently changed jobs, going from phone support to field work. The most interesting part of the transition has been meeting a lot of the personnel face-to-face that I had previously spoken with on the phone. It's funny how you form an image of someone by their voice or their name, but when you actually meet them, they are entirely different. This hasn't held true in every case, but a lot of them. I am also discouraged by the other technician's report that the vast majority of the female staff are married and generally disinterested in techie types on a social basis. Guess I'll keep waiting for the sale at eHarmony....

Cognitive Byproducts ~ Part Six

A continuing series of random thoughts, questions, and musings accumulated over time.

• Yeah, I know, I continue to slack hard on posting regularly. This site was even refused from one of those blog collecting websites because there was too much time between posts. A lot has gone on in my life lately: I'm changing jobs and starting field work soon, my father discovered and started treatment for a medical condition, my mother was injured in a fall (she's fine), and it's both NFL season in full swing and the baseball playoffs. (Search parties have given up on my social life.) And frankly, I just haven't been inspired to speak volumes about anything in particular. Unless I was to turn this into a sports blog. And it's just not the right time to do the "religion post".
• Here's one of those burning questions: If you use a dish or utensil that's part of a set - say a glass or cereal bowl - then wash it, is it improper to use it again right away? Maybe even without putting it away first? I sometimes feel a little guilty that I'm wearing out one piece while the others aren't getting used at nearly the same rate. Or maybe it's that I'm dirtying up what is probably the cleanest of the set. My concern usually lasts about thirty nanoseconds, but I figure maybe there are rules somewhere in the back pages of a dusty volume sitting on a shelf in the reference section of the main library in Heaven....
• Hey Cingular! I don't WANT more minutes. What I'm really looking for is a plan that's about an hour's worth of minutes that I can use from anywhere to call anyone. Throw in free or cheap 'mobile to mobile' and a phone that I can read that doesn't have a lot of extra crap on it, all for about $20 a month and we can talk. I would consider a deal that includes more minutes per month with Catherine Zeta-Jones, but her hubby might object. :)

Charity in New York, Robbery in Texas

As my favorite NFL columnist would say, "Ere the clock struck midnight," the Redskins stole a victory from the Dallas Cowboys in Texas. Not only was it the first win for our side in a long time, it came on a night where the Cowboy hype was at a high level. "The Triplets" - Aikman, Emmitt, and Irvin - were inducted onto the Ring of Fame in Texas Stadium. The last minute scores by Brunell and Santana Moss brought a sudden end to the joy of Dallas fans, including those who were broadcasting the game. ABC commentators Al Michaels and John Madden practically insulted the 'Skins all night. Everything they said came from what Dallas was doing so great, even though the game was rather even. Now granted, the Redskins didn't do anything spectacular until late in the game, but Al & John were making them laughing stocks of the NFL. They glossed over facts like the Cowboys were forced to punt almost as much as the Redskins all night, and that the Cowboys had scored on a gadget play. The highlights during the game included only the Washington mistakes. It all turned around after the first touchdown came with 3:46 to go. It wasn't pretty, but it's a win. And with a bye week coming up, we have two weeks to savor it!

Some notes from Week 2 in the NFL:

• I thought Dallas had a good chance to win based solely on the fact that they were sporting those snappy throwback uniforms! I hate Dallas, but I dig the throwbacks!
• Of course, that theory is only partially held up by Buffalo's 1-1 record so far. They've been in the retro threads for both of their games. Gotta love 'em! Don't see anything on their site about why they're wearing them. Is it an anniversary year or something?
• With all the fund-raising going on in New York for the Gulf Coast hurricane relief, could somebody divert a little cash for the Giants uniform fund? Their outfits looked like something they got as a donation from three different high schools in the 70's. Yee-uck!!! Blue helmets, red and white jerseys they must've stolen from Ohio State, and those hideous gray pants and high red socks. [OMG, guess what, they're throwbacks too!] Send your dollars today...
• Something tells me that 1) Donovan McNabb isn't hurt that bad, and 2) San Francisco is going to get a top 5 draft pick again next year.
• YES! New England is mortal! Broadcasters across the country are mourning their favorite quarterback's loss this week. Look, I still say Brady is overrated. Belichick and his staff deserve more of the gushing love that Tom is given every week because they are the ones who devise the schemes that get the receivers open and keep the defenders out of his face. I could hit a receiver who has no one around him for ten yards too if I had all day to throw!
• The Minister of Defense smiled down on his family and fans in Green Bay, but winced at the Packers loss.
• Minnesota Vikings quarterback Duante Culpepper has been awarded honorary promotional cash from the Pillsbury company for all his turnovers this year. Also, they just signed Koren Robinson, former drop-prone Seattle receiver. Better get him a pair of oven mitts!
• Alarming stat of the week: Kyle Orton and Gus Frerotte had more touchdown passes than Peyton Manning!

A Full Tank of Greed

One summer a few years ago, I think it was 1999, I visited my aunt & uncle who live in California. On the way to the airport for the trip home, we stopped and filled up the car with gas. Of course, California gas costs significantly more than the rest of the country because of the environmental regulations in that state. Their gas comes special from Alaska and is custom formulated. So I took a picture of the sign at the gas station to show everyone back home the amazingly high price. The price at that time was $1.59 (and 9/10) for regular, 1.69 for mid-grade, and 1.79 for premium!

Oh, how we wish for those days again!

We've all seen the price at the pump soar to sickening levels in the last month and a half. The last boost was supposedly from the disaster in the Gulf coast states. Now rates seem to be receding like the flood waters in New Orleans, thank goodness. But why did it all really happen? I decided to do a little research and find out the real story.

The cost of a gallon of gasoline can be broken down into several parts. The biggest chunk is the price of crude oil, the raw material that gas is made from. Crude oil cost accounts for about 55% of the price of gas. The next piece of the pie is refining costs. This is the expense (and profit - more on that in a minute) involved in converting crude oil into auto fuel. It totals about 18%, but maybe higher than that recently. The remaining costs consist of taxes (19%) and distribution & marketing expenses (8%).

Looking at it like that, your first reaction might be to curse "those doggone terrorist ragheads in the Middle East" for gouging us Americans. But while they're not sacrificing much to meet our needs, there are several other factors behind the recent hikes.

So why hasn't OPEC done more to reduce prices? All of the oil producing nations, except Saudi Arabia, are at full production capacity. And the Saudis mainly produce a heavier grade of crude that we don't refine as easily. So OPEC is unable, to a certain extent, to meet the higher demand beyond what they are doing now. They have lost control of the market, in a sense. OPEC claims, according to their web site, that they do not directly dictate the price of a barrel of crude oil. It is actually set by three petroleum commodity exchanges. To me, this seems to mean that there are Wall Street types that are really in control. And from my perspective, that's usually a bad thing.

Okay, so OPEC aren't quite saints, but they do reduce the price of crude now and then. But have you ever noticed that gas prices don't usually follow immediately? Now when crude prices go up, the price of gas rises almost instantly! Consumer groups notice this, and have accused oil companies of taking too long to pass on reductions. But there is no government regulation in the industry, so consumers are basically on their own. [You can't really blame the service station owners, because they still pay more for wholesale gas.]

It's the oil companies that are at the heart of the matter, in more ways than one.

They say that all the easy oil has already been found and that it's harder and costlier to find new supplies here in the US. Now who's going to shed a tear for big oil?

In the fiscal year 2003-4, four major oil companies reported record profits, as well as record refining profits. Conoco-Phillips was up 44%, Exxon/Mobil 125%, British Petroleum (BP) 165%, and Chevron-Texaco a whopping 294%!! These companies are making money so fast they don't know how to use it all. What they are doing is giving dividends to their shareholders and buying back their stock. And of course, the CEO's will reap handsome bonuses. The rest of us go broke trying to get to work, and these guys are rolling in cash.

Along with the record crude prices, there have been several outages to an already strained refinery industry here in the US (some caused by the hurricane, and some not), as well as the usual seasonal demand spike that comes around Labor Day. Added to the mix is an increased level of demand by China on world supplies.

So recent refinery outages have contributed to price hikes. US refineries were running at 70% of their total output ten years ago. Today they are closer to 95%. Production is so tight, any time something goes wrong at a single plant, the price of gas jumps. More than 10 refineries have reported unplanned outages in late July and early August of this year. Even when the problems turn out to be minor, consumers take a hit. Aggravating the problem are state clean air laws that require the production of 45 different blends of gasoline across the nation. This makes refinery outages that much more significant.

Ten years ago, the five largest companies (Exxon/Mobil, Conoco-Phillips, BP, Valero, and Royal Dutch Shell) controlled a third of of all refineries in the US. Now they control more than half. This makes it easier for them to withhold production to drive up prices. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) uncovered evidence in 2001 that they had actually done so. These actions have NOT been challenged by the government as yet. The only penalties so far have been in our wallets.

One fact that is always mentioned is that there have been no new refineries built since 1976. And, of the 325 facilities operating then, 176 of them are no longer running. Why did all those plants close? Some say the market was manipulated by the bigger companies. 97% of those facilities that have been closed were operated by smaller companies. Congressional investigations revealed memos from the big companies discussing strategies to maximize profits by forcing the smaller refineries out of business. But it may not be entirely their doing. From 1973 to 1980, the government subsidized smaller, less efficient refineries. When the price control programs ended, so did the small refineries.

So why aren't the big companies building more? From 1975 to 2000, there was only one request for permit to build a new refinery. That new energy bill gives cash incentives for new refineries, but it isn't expected to help. Bureaucratic red tape, Environmentalist protests, and the "NIMBY" (Not In My Back Yard) factor are normally blamed for lack of new construction. But instead of building new ones, companies are doing plenty of expansions and improvements to existing plants. This is a lot easier and cheaper, and since the normal profit for a refinery is rather small, they welcome any savings.

But even refinery margins - the difference between the price of crude and wholesale gas - have been rising faster than OPEC's rates. In two weeks in August, pump prices increased 11%, while refinery margins went up 54%! The FTC was recently investigating why oil companies aren't expanding production since they're raking in record profits. For some reason, the investigation has stalled. (Can you say "stifled"?)

So it all comes down to one thing. GREED.

What they're doing is basically saying:

• "Crude prices are going up, let's raise prices!"
• "The terrorists are getting mad at the US for Iraq and Afghanistan, they may withhold supplies, let's raise prices!"
• "The Chinese are wanting more and more oil, let's raise prices!"
• "Refinery breakdowns may cause supply shortages, so let's raise prices!"
• "The law says we have to make way too many different blends of gas, let's raise prices!"
• "We're not making much on refining, let's raise prices!"
• "The Americans won't be driving their gargantuan SUVs as much after Labor Day, let's raise prices!"
• "We keep raising prices, and people are still buying! Let's see how high we can raise prices!"
• "We have to go farther to find more oil ourselves, let's raise prices!"

Where does it all end?

The government won't do anything. They want their millions in campaign contributions, (or stock dividends) so they do just enough to stay in office.

The oil companies won't change anything. They control the whole process. They're making billions and we're letting it slide.

OPEC nations won't change anything. Most of them detest the US anyway. Except when we show up with money.

People keep trying to organize boycott days, but they'll just have to buy gas later. The revenues might be zero one day, but they'll be double the next. One theory was for everyone to boycott certain brands. Not sure if that would make a difference. Seems like all the stations get their gas from the same distributors or something.

Should we park our cars and trucks and buy hybrid compacts? Unfortunately, I think Amercans are too dependent of their massive SUVs. The soccer moms would be lost if they had to cram their 2.5 kids into less than 500 square feet. Plus, the car is such a part of the culture that we'll never get it down to a pure utility vehicle.

I guess we're left with praying for compassion from the CEOs of big petroleum and the Middle East oil barons.

Other than that, we'll have to do like the Army drill seargeants say: "Suck it up and drive on!"

Cognitive Byproducts ~ Part Five

A continuing series of random thoughts, questions, and musings accumulated over time.

• Another addition to my Top 10 Death Wish Motorists made himself known a couple weeks ago. Guy in a silver Pontiac comes zooming up behind me in the merge lane where two highways come together. I was behind a big tanker truck. (Not sure what he was hauling, but was hoping it wasn't flammable.) There was no one behind me. Anyway, Mr. Grand Prik goes by me at warp 9 and ends up between the back of the truck and the guardrail just as the lane runs out. He slams on the brakes and got in front of me (since I was feeling charitable and decided he could live today). Then he got around me and went flying up the road like nothing had happened...
• Is it just me or are people driving even faster since gas prices went above sanity levels? I could swear the number of SUV's traveling 90 or better while blocking out the sun has increased dramatically on the highway on which I commute.
• Best wishes to TK in NYC, and especially to SW who's been on an unexpected vacation at Washington Hospital Center. See you both soon.
  

I Have Been To The Promised Land

This past weekend, I made a pilgramage to America's Valhalla. The place where the greatest warriors are immortalized.

The Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio sits along the edge of Interstate 77 in the middle of the western third of the state. It was established in 1963.

Well, OK, in the last few years, the definition of hero has changed quite a bit. So I should temper the degree of reverance with humbleness to those who really deserve the title. It's not exactly Arlington Cemetary. But in the Hall is one of the greatest collection of sports heroes of all time.

I was actually a week too early (and way too late to get tickets and a room anyway) for the latest group of players to be enshrined. This coming weekend (Aug 6-8), four men take their place among the honorees: Dan Marino, record setting quarterback for the Miami Dolphins in the mid 80's through 1999; Steve Young, successor to Joe Montana in San Francisco who carried the 49er dynasty throughout the 90's; Fritz Pollard, the first African-American coach (and a great player) in the 1920's; and Benny Friedman, star quarterback from 1927 to 1934, who was a contemporary of Red Grange.

The Hall itself is actually three interconnected buildings, though when you're inside, it all feels like one. You enter at the front door and walk into a spiral ramp under the pointed "rotunda" of the football shaped dome. Most of the exhibits are on the upper floor, the first being the history and origins of the game. Then you go by displays of all the current NFL teams. The next section is the actual Hall of Fame, with bronze likenesses of each enshrinee, and interactive touch screen panels that show info on any of the men. After that, there is a room about the other leagues in history, plus artifacts from recent record breaking feats. Section 6 contains displays from all the Hall honorees grouped by team. The last part is all about the Super Bowls. And at the end, is the rotating GameDay Stadium theater, where you can watch a film about an entire season from training camp to the Super Bowl. The lower floor has areas with more interactive displays, including the Madden video game, trivia and play-calling games, and a carnival booth passing cage, along with artifacts from referees and famous fans. There is also another theater which constantly shows NFL Films programs every hour. Finally, of course, there is the gift shop, with sections for each team, and items emblazoned with Hall logos and the faces of the newest enshrinees. Throughout the entire museum, there are items from players and games throughout history that commemorate milestones and significant players (HOF members and others) from all over the NFL.

I didn't have my good camera with me, so we'll see if the pictures I took with the disposable cameras come out. Hopefully, they won't all be flash reflections from display cases. I got shots of all the Redskins stuff, an overall view of each section, and some shots of the exteriors and preparations for the induction ceremonies.

You can take your own virtual tour here. But it's much better in person, take my word for it. Hail to the Redskins and Hail to the Hall of Fame!

www.meanstripledubya.now

I'm going to start a campaign - a quest to liberate syllables. And it's going to be worldwide.

The objective is to convert

"Doubleyoo doubleyoo doubleyoo dot <insert website here> dot com"

to

"Triple dubya dot website dot com"

See how much easier that is?

I've had this idea for years, and I'm reminded of it every time I hear a radio or television commercial that cites a web address. They buzz along through the whole sales pitch, and somewhere toward the end, the whole thing slows down while the voice-over plods through what should be a very simple utterance. They could be promoting http://www.llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch.com/, but you can hear 'em bog down in the first three letters. "Click now for all the latest information... Dub .. ul .. yoo .. Dub .. ul .. yoo .. Dub .. ul .. yoo .. dot reallylongwebsitename dot com"

It's not all their fault, though. How did it end up that the most complicated letter in the whole alphabet appears in triplicate on the forward end of the universal format for internet information across the entire planet? And of course, it's from the most complex and patched together language available to man today ~ American English. It's too bad we don't call the internet something like the "Great Global Grid". That would cut the syllables by two thirds! "Gee-Gee-Gee" would be awesome! It just flies off the tongue. But no, we have to deal with the one letter out of the whole twenty six that doesn't even have its own original name. It's a modification of a letter before it! There's U, and then, (not even side by side in order, mind you) there's Double-U. Should've been Double-V if you compare 'em. It's the only polysyllabic letter in the whole bunch. Oooh, polysyllabic ~ Word of the Day.

But I digress...

So my solution is to cut the nine syllables of "doubleyoo doubleyoo doubleyoo" down to four with "triple dubya". Nice, clean and simple.

Now I must pause for a disclaimer at this point. This phrase in no way originates from any political enthusiasm or scheme to subliminally promote the current President. While I did, in fact, vote for the guy - not because I loved everything about him, but because the other dude was so much worse (the exact reason why 90% of the opposition voted for their guy, as opposed to actually liking what he had to offer. But that's for a whole other post.) - but I have no agenda or reason to give him free endorsement. It is simply a phonetic pronunciation of the letter, nothing more. I dare say millions of people were saying "dubya" before he ever came along.

Whattya say world? Try it for yourself. "Trip-ul-dub-ya yadda yadda dot com". Let's spread it from Delaware to darkest Africa. (OK, maybe theirs would come out more like "tree-pull-doob-yeh", but hey, it still beats what we started with.)

See how many you can spit out in ten seconds. I got two of the long ones and about ten "triple w's". That's 500% more efficient, I'd say!

And Lord knows, anything that gets advertisers to shut up quicker has got to be a good idea.

Cognitive Byproducts ~ Part Four

A continuing series of random thoughts, questions, and musings accumulated over time.

• Shucks, seems like once a month is becoming my regular pattern. I could change my style and post little blurbs every couple days, but I don't think they'd be as refined and relevant as the bigger articles...
• Congratulations to the two drivers I saw today who join my Top 10 Death Wish Motorists. The first is the little hottie doing 75+ and passing trucks on the curvy part of the interstate while on the phone with one hand and taking the other off the wheel to play with her hair. The second is the young brainless bastard in the compact hatchback who couldn't wait to blow by me (I was doing 70) and weave through the other two vehicles ahead so he could break the freaking sound barrier. Keep it up, you'll be dead by 20, sucker!
  I don't flip 'em off, I just salute as they go by and shake my head....
• Went to my first Nationals game on Memorial Day. Great time. A couple strange plays that we couldn't see changed the outcome of the game. I'm listening to the last game of the series with Atlanta as I type. GO NATS! We figured out the secret to the subway ride back: Get into the end of the line into the station, and then take the next train after the crowd stuffs into the first one. Plenty of room for everyone. Thanx EW!
• Still on my To Do list: 1) Find a gym, since I'm not leaving the desk job any time soon. 2) Speak to a patent lawyer. 3) Go to an Orioles game. 4) Get new glasses.
  
  
  Wahoo!! Nationals came back from a 6-3 eighth inning and won it 8-6!

Brain Dump In Aisle 5

Mankind's continuing quest for self-actualization does not center itself in churches, temples and synagogues, really. The greatest debate for a man to resolve is not the origin of the species or the nature of the afterlife. None of these debates induces the duel between emotion and intellect like this one. Surrounded by so many choices, man must search his soul and weigh each with equal consideration, because he knows his selection will affect his life each and every day he wakes. Will he make the right choice and face all challenges with his head held high, or be cast into misery, struggling to merely survive until tomorrow?

OK, maybe it's not all that, but why else does it take me twenty minutes to pick out a breakfast cereal at the grocery store?

I have to put the basket down and walk end to end a couple times. Then there are other questions. At what point do you stop feeling guilty if you get Captain Crunch instead of something healthy? But I guess that only really lasts until I leave the parking lot.

Every aisle is another deliberation. If it says 100% real ingredients on the package, is it any less real after being fully cooked, freeze dried or flash frozen and served in less than ten minutes by adding only water or milk? There's an evolution taking place these days from"Just like Grandma used to make" to "Just like Uncle Fred used to unwrap and microwave for a minute forty-five".

And it will never be my motto that "I shop, therefore I cook."

By the way, where do all the single women shop? Everyone buys food, but I must not go at the right time. All I see are toddler herders and teenyboppers on cel phones consulting their friend on which one is better: Gummi bears or Gummi worms. Then there's the occasional poor soul waiting by the pharmacy who's gonna need help loading their prescription order into the car.

It is a good place to meet people, if you think about it. You can't hide who you are. Your basket gives you away. If you're carrying frozen Stouffer's and Hamburger Helper, you're definitely single. And don't be flirtin' with the gal pushing the cart and a half of full size roasts and four gallons of skim milk. You need to hang by the salad bar and watch for someone who doesn't get everything else from the organic section.

With my luck, my dream girl will pass me by while I'm crouched down squinting at unit pricing. But just in case, what wine goes with Spaghetti-O's?

Posters and Wall Flowers

As I move through the world and observe people (resisting the urge to mutter to myself how silly "these humans" can be) I often find certain situations that seperate people into groups. There are lots of jokes expressed by that old saying "There are two kinds of people..." like this, but it's still rather amusing to see it manifested out in public. Anyway, here are the (hopefully amusing) categories I've come up with, and maybe a few I read somewhere....

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who keep up with the latest technology, and those who have VCR's that blink 12:00 all their lives.

"There are 10 kinds of people: Those who can count in binary, and those that can't."

There are two kinds of computer users: Those who call tech support and ask about programs and email, and those that ask "you mean the box you look at or put disks into?"

There are two kinds of people waiting at the carry-out counter: Those who stand back and wait for their number to be called, and those who practically climb over the counter in anticipation.

There are two kinds of annoying drivers: Those who worship speed limit signs and won't go any faster than three mph below it no matter how many people are lined up behind them, and those who aren't happy unless they are doing 30 mph more than anyone else on the road.

There are two kinds of people that put ketchup on their french fries: Dippers, who squeeze out a large dollop and dip each fry into it, and Spreaders, who crisscross the whole pile of fries with narrow streams.

"Today, there are three kinds of people: the have's, the have-not's, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have's." -- Earl Wilson

"People can be divided into three groups:
1. Those who make things happen
2. Those who watch things happen
3. And those who wonder what's happening." -- Anonymous

There are two kinds of bloggers: Those who post, and ThÖ$Σ w╫Θ PΦ$τ