Thursday, June 16, 2005

I'm going to start a campaign - a quest to liberate syllables. And it's going to be worldwide.

The objective is to convert

"Doubleyoo doubleyoo doubleyoo dot <insert website here> dot com"


"Triple dubya dot website dot com"

See how much easier that is?

I've had this idea for years, and I'm reminded of it every time I hear a radio or television commercial that cites a web address. They buzz along through the whole sales pitch, and somewhere toward the end, the whole thing slows down while the voice-over plods through what should be a very simple utterance. They could be promoting, but you can hear 'em bog down in the first three letters. "Click now for all the latest information... Dub .. ul .. yoo .. Dub .. ul .. yoo .. Dub .. ul .. yoo .. dot reallylongwebsitename dot com"

It's not all their fault, though. How did it end up that the most complicated letter in the whole alphabet appears in triplicate on the forward end of the universal format for internet information across the entire planet? And of course, it's from the most complex and patched together language available to man today ~ American English. It's too bad we don't call the internet something like the "Great Global Grid". That would cut the syllables by two thirds! "Gee-Gee-Gee" would be awesome! It just flies off the tongue. But no, we have to deal with the one letter out of the whole twenty six that doesn't even have its own original name. It's a modification of a letter before it! There's U, and then, (not even side by side in order, mind you) there's Double-U. Should've been Double-V if you compare 'em. It's the only polysyllabic letter in the whole bunch. Oooh, polysyllabic ~ Word of the Day.

But I digress...

So my solution is to cut the nine syllables of "doubleyoo doubleyoo doubleyoo" down to four with "triple dubya". Nice, clean and simple.

Now I must pause for a disclaimer at this point. This phrase in no way originates from any political enthusiasm or scheme to subliminally promote the current President. While I did, in fact, vote for the guy - not because I loved everything about him, but because the other dude was so much worse (the exact reason why 90% of the opposition voted for their guy, as opposed to actually liking what he had to offer. But that's for a whole other post.) - but I have no agenda or reason to give him free endorsement. It is simply a phonetic pronunciation of the letter, nothing more. I dare say millions of people were saying "dubya" before he ever came along.

Whattya say world? Try it for yourself. "Trip-ul-dub-ya yadda yadda dot com". Let's spread it from Delaware to darkest Africa. (OK, maybe theirs would come out more like "tree-pull-doob-yeh", but hey, it still beats what we started with.)

See how many you can spit out in ten seconds. I got two of the long ones and about ten "triple w's". That's 500% more efficient, I'd say!

And Lord knows, anything that gets advertisers to shut up quicker has got to be a good idea.

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